(in a friendship that is, my heart was stolen long, long ago...)
My baby girl is as girly as they come. She loves pink and ballet and princesses and fairytales. The other day we were cuddling on the couch watching a video we rented, Sleeping Beauty 2. It was two different, short, far-fetched fairytales. After I watched it I felt weird. In essence it was sending the message that love is for beautiful people, it is instant (at first sight, or 'hello') and it turns the toils of everyday life into, 'happily ever after.'
I got to thinking about all of the fairytales that sit on our DVD and book shelves and how they all send the same message. Now, before you get all snakey on me, I don't have a problem with fairytales and I allow my kids to enjoy the fantasy.
I would rather my daughter be influenced in ways that depict normal, healthy, relationships. What happens when she waits for 'prince charming' to bring her eternal happiness? How will she feel if she can't sing like Snow White, dance like Cinderella or look like Sleeping Beauty?
I am just rambling and spewing out thoughts, I know. I also know that the story with the greatest impact is the one she lives with and interacts with every day and she will look to her parents, that is beside the point.
The female gender is wired heavily with fantasy cables as it is. I think there is a danger in believing that 'someone' or 'something' can bring you happiness and eternal bliss (other than THE ONE, but again, not the point). People can certainly contribute but no one else can be responsible for your own happiness. Relationships take a lot of work. Hard work. Any and all relationships, parent/child, friend/friend and husband/wife. They all require effort and they all have ups and downs.
I want nothing more than for my daughter to grow up knowing that real love is not instant, and it takes a lot of work. I want her to be sure that love is not reserved for beautiful faces (even though she has one), and size 2 waists.
Oddly enough, Madonna thinks like me on this topic and has written her own childrens books about real life. I haven't read them yet...have you? I will eventually.
Hmmmm.....
That's what I'm thinking. How 'bout you? Do you believe in love at first sight? Happily ever after? Do you think the ones you are in relationship with are responsible for your happiness?
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
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8 comments:
BTW, I do not live in a fairytale, but I am happy, content and committed!
Love at first sight? Nah. Happily ever after? For sure!!! Of course, it's hard work to build and maintain a good relationship --of any kind-- but well worth the effort.
It's not my wife's responsibility to make me happy. It's my responsibility to make her happy and her happiness leads to my happiness.
I agree with everything you said. Children are influenced by everything they see & hear, not just the things they learn at home.Julia is old enough now that you can begin to talk to her little by little about the difference between fairytales and reality. Your videos can be a springboard for that. You are a wonderful Mom to pick up on that danger. You will have no trouble steering her in the right direction
I believe in lust at first sight, not love.
I think that I'm responsible for my own happiness. Yes my hubby can contribute to it, but it's all about my attitude and trying to have a positive (or happy) look on whatever happens.
We don't watch a lot of princess movies over here (mostly because I have a son), but we are a big fan of Shrek. It teaches kids to like themselves just the way they are. Have you seen the Shrek movies yet?
I don't believe in love at first sight. Of course I believe in happily ever after. But i agree that of course we have to work for that happily ever after. if we just sit back and hope for the best we will find ourselves in a world of hurt.
Do I believe in love at first sight? Not really. I believe in the feeling of "I need to know this person" at first sight, but not love. Love takes time and energy and effort and so many other things.
Happily ever after? Not in the sense that "ever after" will always be happy but in the sense that it will all work out for the best. That true happiness does not mean that you are always in a good and happy mood.
The responsibility for happiness is a hard one. I think that we have a responsibility to our partners for helping them in their happiness but that ultimately, we also have a responsibility to ourselves. I think that by trying to make others happy we can sometimes forget ourselves but that when in a relationship, it is our duty to eachother to try to ensure their happines. (does that make any sense at all?)
Where this can get especially tough is when something like depression comes into play. At that point, there are very few actions and attempts at making someone happy that will work. But perhaps then the "responsibility" is to get the person help (and to admit that you alone can't make them happy?).
wow, so many questions, i have to wake myself up for this.
i haven't read madonna's book, don't plan too either. i don't believe in love at first sight, i do believe in happily ever after, and i think you need to be responsible for your own happiness, others can't do it for you, but then can be a part of it, an extension of how you choose to live your life.
Love at first sight? Nope don't believe in it. Girls are bombarded with lots of messages but the messages you send her will be the most important.
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